90 Day Experiment – Day 4

Yesterday I wrote about how I felt adrenaline pumping fear that seemingly came out of nowhere. I sat with it and tried to see where it was coming from. I didn’t have a clue, but it did inspire me to write the post, “Hunting Monkeys.”

This morning I finally had a clue as to what was going on. I have a calendar on my cell phone, and I have reminders programmed into it. Well, today is the last day of a 40 day period I started about the same time I started writing this version of my blog. In other words, yesterday was my old self-sabotaging behavior fighting for life.

What did happen yesterday was that I stayed with my feelings, and asked my afformations, one of them being, “What do I need to know that I don’t know now?” I was thinking that I need to do a little more research for my book; another way to say what I want to say.

A little later I received a solicitation in my e-mail (I receive a lot of them on a daily basis) and was tempted to trash this one along with the rest of them, but my intuition told me to open it. I opened it, and there was a link to a video interview done by someone I respect greatly, Dr. Bruce Lipton. It was a lengthy interview, over 30 minutes long, and I really didn’t have the energy but I thought I’d listen to it anyway.

And during the course of the interview Dr. Lipton talked what I needed for my book. I was blown away.

Due to what happened to me earlier, I didn’t have the energy to do any writing. In fact, what I did was read a fiction novel, something I rarely ever do.

Today, I was feeling good. I was feeling confident. Kind of like the boxer, Leon Spinks (I think it was Leon) who said, “I feel good. I feel clean. I think I can win.” Then I got hit by another blow. It’s the residual of the self sabotaging behavior I was engaging in before.

I’m actually grateful for what happened. It only strengthened my resolve.

By the way, in case you’re wondering, no, I didn’t do any writing today either! Tomorrow, I’ll be back at it!

4 thoughts on “90 Day Experiment – Day 4

  1. I had a little fight with myself about sending my card in for the contest…the more I looked at the card the more I thought it wasn’t good enough and it needed more. I TOLD MYSELF TO STOP IT!…I put the card in the envelope and sent it in…SO HAPPY i didn’t listen to those doubts.

    • I’m really happy you submitted your card! Way to go girl! I’m happy you didn’t listen to those doubts too!

      I’d like to suggest that the next time you go through the whole “not good enough” thing, ask yourself, “Says who?”

  2. Also…on Monday I got so excited about the things(signs) that were happening that I nearly sent myself into an anxiety attack…was able to calm myself down when I realized what I was doing. Love you Anthony!

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