Yesterday I wrote about how I felt adrenaline pumping fear that seemingly came out of nowhere. I sat with it and tried to see where it was coming from. I didn’t have a clue, but it did inspire me to write the post, “Hunting Monkeys.”
This morning I finally had a clue as to what was going on. I have a calendar on my cell phone, and I have reminders programmed into it. Well, today is the last day of a 40 day period I started about the same time I started writing this version of my blog. In other words, yesterday was my old self-sabotaging behavior fighting for life.
What did happen yesterday was that I stayed with my feelings, and asked my afformations, one of them being, “What do I need to know that I don’t know now?” I was thinking that I need to do a little more research for my book; another way to say what I want to say.
A little later I received a solicitation in my e-mail (I receive a lot of them on a daily basis) and was tempted to trash this one along with the rest of them, but my intuition told me to open it. I opened it, and there was a link to a video interview done by someone I respect greatly, Dr. Bruce Lipton. It was a lengthy interview, over 30 minutes long, and I really didn’t have the energy but I thought I’d listen to it anyway.
And during the course of the interview Dr. Lipton talked what I needed for my book. I was blown away.
Due to what happened to me earlier, I didn’t have the energy to do any writing. In fact, what I did was read a fiction novel, something I rarely ever do.
Today, I was feeling good. I was feeling confident. Kind of like the boxer, Leon Spinks (I think it was Leon) who said, “I feel good. I feel clean. I think I can win.” Then I got hit by another blow. It’s the residual of the self sabotaging behavior I was engaging in before.
I’m actually grateful for what happened. It only strengthened my resolve.
By the way, in case you’re wondering, no, I didn’t do any writing today either! Tomorrow, I’ll be back at it!