As I was planning on what I wanted to write about this week, every idea I came up with didn’t feel right, until I thought about writing about our “shadow.”
Uncovering someone’s shadow is typically what I try to do fairly early on when I’m working with someone in my private practice. Our shadow contains all of the parts of ourself we deny we have, resist, dislike and try to keep in the dark. This content is both divine, and corrupt. When someone doesn’t want to confront their shadow during a session with me, that’s usually when they start yelling and calling me names, telling me how happy and nice they are! LOL
We spend a lot of energy denying that this energy exists within us. Carl Jung, who first coined the term “shadow” once said, “The brighter the persona, the darker the shadow.”
I’m bringing all of this up because tonight I had to confront a part of my shadow. The encounter started yesterday, and fully blew up tonight. Some of my feelings of unworthiness came up. I worked through them, with the help of my coach, but I want to tell you what it felt like, so you know not if, but when you encounter your own shadow. Thoughts of anger, and “unfairness,” kept coming up. Other thoughts like,
“This isn’t worth it.”
“This is too hard.”
“What the hell is the point?”
“I’m so sick and tired of this shit anymore.”
On, and on, and on, it went, and I just let the feelings come up, and gave them validity. If I denied them, or tried to “think positively,” I would have missed the message these feelings were trying to bring to my attention. At the bottom of them was the belief that I’m really not that lovable, or worthy of what having the love I want.
With the help of my coach, who allowed me to safely deal with my feelings of unworthiness, I came to my senses. I then turned my disempowering thoughts into empowering questions.
For example, “What the hell’s the point?” became, “Why is all of the inner work I’m doing worth it in the end?” Another one I asked myself was, “Why am I so happy and grateful right now?”
“This isn’t worth it,” became, “Why are my desires important and worthy of my every effort to manifest them into my reality?”
Keep in mind, I’m only asking these questions. I’m not answering them. As soon as I started asking them, I started feeling better.
I’m grateful I was able to feel some of the feelings I have that are slowing down what I want to bring into my life. I’m grateful that they came up, so I had a chance to integrate them into my being, allowing the energy to work for me, instead of against me. They showed me beliefs that needed healing. I had the chance to embrace these feelings, rather than continuing to run from them. My “enemy” has become my ally.