I have a new website – www.anthonyquinata.com

I want to thank all of you who have supported me on this blog. In late December of 2010, I decided to change my career path to spiritual coaching, and the focus of this blog to reflect the transition.

In February, I was blogging about my 90 Day Experiment, in which I set a goal, and used it to learn more about myself. The result was that I knew I had to create a new website to reach more people.

My new website is an extension of this blog, and will allow me to help more people. I hope you’ll come by and check it out! I like to think of it as this blog on steroids.

Healthy Self Love, cont.

I believe that there’s an unspoken epidemic that’s sapping people of the time and energy they need to nurture their dreams and realize their goals. It’s called, “people pleasing.”

I can’t begin to tell you how many of the people I work with who seem to have learned from an early age that pleasing others is a good way to receive validation or affection. By the time they come to see me it’s such a habit that when we talk about what they need to do, my suggestions have to go through a filter of thinking, “How can I do this for myself without letting others down?”

I know that I was guilty of this, especially in my twenties. I simply couldn’t imagine people I loved being able to take care of themselves and their own needs without me. What can I say? I was pretty arrogant.

I do my fair share of flying, enough to know that should the air bag come down for some reason, I’m supposed to put it on myself first, before worrying about the person next to me. My life changed for the better when I started taking care of myself first, and allowed people to take care of themselves.  I can tell you, their lives changed for the better as well.

This week, instead of thinking of how you can “earn” the love of others by pleasing them, practice healthy self love and look for ways to please yourself.

Speaking of Being Out on a Limb!

A very funny thought (to me at least) struck me yesterday. In my last post I talked about about Steve Massing (http://themassings.net/sitesbysteve/) is helping me create a website that he’s had no experience creating before, so for him, this is going out on a limb.

Well, what occurred to me was that once the framework is up, I have no idea what the hell I’ll be doing after that! I can’t tell you how exciting that is for me!

As I said before, a lot of clients I work with will tell me, “I don’t know how …,” or, “I don’t know what to do ….” As a coach my job is, in part, to move them past that point. Another part of my job, in my never to be humble opinion, is to also be a role model. In other words, how can I help people, with any integrity, if I’m not doing what I’m teaching?

So this morning I started thinking of what I wanted to do, and how I would feel once I was doing it. Just thinking about what I wanted to do I knew would lead me to “paralysis analysis.” I then envisioned what I wanted, and started asking myself why what I wanted is already a reality. I then started feeling the excitement of my project already being a reality. That feeling gave me the motivation to get off of my duff and do something.

What I wanted to do was homework Steve asked me to do, and I started to do, but found myself stuck dong yesterday afternoon. I got out of bed still feeling stuck, but knowing I had to do something.

How did I know what to do next? I didn’t. I just did something, which in this case, was turn on my computer. I did a Google search about what I’m going to do, which led me to You Tube (and a few other sites from which I got a couple of free eBooks on the subject I was researching) and from there I found a woman name Lisa Irby. One thing led to another and now I know how to do what Steve asked of me, but in a way that expresses who I am.

As I write this, adrenaline is literally coursing through my body, I’m so excited! Again, I want to stress to you that this morning, hell, yesterday afternoon, I was at a standstill, not knowing how I was going to do my homework.

My point is, when you don’t know what to do to make your dream a reality, to have the very best life has to offer to you, don’t just sit (or lay in bed) thinking about all the reasons something won’t work … do something.

Go Out On a Limb – Here’s Your Homework for this Week!

I’ve mentioned before that I always ask my coaching clients, “If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be?” Well, hopefully you’ve been doing the 90 Day Experiment with me (which is rapidly coming to a close) and you have one area in your life that you’ve been working on changing. Maybe it’s in your career, in your health, or your intimate relationships.

Now, write down three things you could do differently; what actions could you take that would not be in your comfort zone that would produce incredible results? For example, you may need to ask for help. Do you need to hire a coach or start having a framework of accountability in place?

Finally, ask three people this week whose opinion you respect, and ask them how they’d go about achieving your goal. Since it’s not their goal, they might have detached  insight that’s valuable for you.

Give up your old attitudes, excuses, reasons, and embrace new ways of doing things. That’s how breakthrough results will start happening for you.

Going Out On a Limb

Last week I asked you to take a look at the reasons (excuses) that you’re using to keep yourself safe, and small. In order to move up to the next level in your life, you’re going to have to face your fears, and risk looking foolish, making a mistake, or asking for help. You have to go out on a limb, that’s where the fruit is.

Do you tend to talk yourself out of doing what you know deep down inside you need to do to have the success, fulfillment, intimacy or passion you want? Not taking risks virtually guarantees that you’ll probably continue to create the same, predictable, results you’ve had up until now.

I had a rough time today.

Steve Massing (http://themassings.net/sitesbysteve/) has been working with me on what I’d like my new website to look like. He sent me a few examples to look at and I picked one of them. He’s working really hard to get my site up in the shortest time possible.

For my part, I’m writing, writing, writing. Throwing away what I’ve written, and writing more. Today I finally settled on the content of one of the ebooks I’m writing. How do I know? Because I fought like hell not to write about it! I went back to what I teach my clients all of the time – what you resist the most, is what you need to do the most.

When I finally gave in, surrendered, I felt like hell, like a truck ran me over. I had no energy, and felt somewhat depressed. I went to the grocery, and my groceries were rung up before I realized I didn’t have my wallet on me. I bought one of those “refrigerator boxes” filled with sodas, and when I picked it up, the box tore and cans spilled out all over the floor of the store. I sighed, knowing that people behind me weren’t exactly happy with me, picked the cans up and told the cashier that I’d be back with my wallet – as soon as I returned from driving home and getting it.

The lousy feeling, and everything that happened while I was going through it meant that old beliefs were dying away in the face of my new intention.

Reasons or Results? – Here’s Your Homework for this Week.

In my coaching practice, one of the first things I ask is, “If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be?”

Think about an area of your life that you wish were different. What could you have in your life that would make you excited to wake up in the morning?

Once you have an answer, make a list of the reasons you haven’t been able to create the results you desire.

Look at the list, and ask yourself, “Is this true? Or is this an excuse? Have I given up my power to have what I want by making someone else responsible for my happiness?”

Now, ask yourself these questions:

How long have I believed this to be true?

What will my life look like in 5, 10, or 20 years if I don’t give up this excuse, or stop blaming others for what’s happening in my life?

If my life depended on it, would I be willing to stop using this excuse, or stop the blame game? (By the way, your life does depend on it.)

Whatever it is that you want to change in your life, you have to become more committed to that vision, than your excuses. This week, understand that when you stop believing your reasons, you start seeing different results.

“Show Me the Buddha!”

There’s a story from the Buddhist tradition in which an older monk asked his young disciple, “Would you like to see the Buddha?”

“Yes! Yes!” the monk answered excitedly. “Show me the Buddha!”

The older monk pulled a curtain aside and the young man found himself looking at a mirror.

In my coaching practice I’ve noticed that some, not all, of my clients are masters when it comes to inventing excuses as to why they can’t or don’t have everything they desire. Some, not all, are also really skilled at blaming other people for why they’re so unhappy.

“I couldn’t help myself.”

“My kids needed me.”

“I told Jim to handle it.”

“I had a horrible childhood.”

“I don’t get support from my husband (wife).”

“I don’t know how.”

The scary thing when I hear people making excuses or blaming others (including me) for what’s going wrong in their life, is that they believe what they’re saying. They think that they’re telling the truth.

If you’re going to have the very best life has to offer to you, you’re going to have to give up the excuses. You’re going to have to stop blaming others. You have to stop being a victim. You have to look into a mirror.

March 15, 2011 – Your homework this week.

What are you, have you, been withholding from yourself this week? Are you taking the time to do things that are important to you, or have you been giving that time away to someone else?

What can you do this week that would be something generous you could do for yourself?

This is a principle I regularly work with my coaching clients on. People are often taught to do the exact opposite, so it’s difficult for them, but when they follow up on it, typically they’ll notice an increase in generosity from others. It’s a great way to learn about the law of attraction.

Changing Your Mind, Changes Your Brain, Which Changes Your Life.

When I was younger I was taught that matter is solid, atoms were the smallest particles, and that once you reach a certain age, your brain is set for life, and doesn’t change. Turns out that all of those “scientific truths” are wrong.

There have been a lot of discoveries in the last decade, or so, regarding the brain. One of them is something called, “neuroplasticity.”

I won’t go into a whole lot of detail that I find fascinating but may have your eyes glazing over as you read it. Speaking of which, as you’re reading these very sentences, all sorts of changes are going on in your brain, and not only your brain, but every cell in your body as well. Why? Because you’re reading this blog.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Every bit of input from your environment causes chemical changes in your brain, and your body. Not only that, your brain is rewiring itself with all of the input you experience, consciously, or unconsciously. Typically, these new neuro pathways don’t last more than a few seconds, and then they disappear.

So what does any of this have to do with anything you’ve been working on? There’s a saying in brain research that “what fires together, wires together.” In other words, if you have a thought, coupled with an emotion, the wiring your brain creates is stronger. If you keep firing the same thought and emotion in your brain, eventually, the wiring becomes permanent.

If you’ve been feeling depressed about the economy, and reinforcing your depression by watching the news, reading newspapers and afraid for your job …, you get the idea?

So, as your thinking about what you’re grateful for, and feeling grateful at the same time, over and over, and over again, your brain becomes wired to access the good feeling quickly, easily, and habitually. And that becomes your new everyday reality.

How long does it take for this to happen? 21 days.

Not a long time to change your life for the better, don’t you think?