Is there something that keeps recurring in your life? Do any of these sound familiar?
- Self sabotage
- Recurring situations happening that you don’t want to happen? What you do want to happen, doesn’t?
- No matter how hard you try to create something new in your life, you’re not able to?
- You swear you’ll stop doing something, but find yourself doing it, over and over again?
I had a client who came to see me because she wanted to get a business off the ground, and no matter what she did, nothing seemed to work. Everything backfired. One man who offered to finance her kept backing out of their appointments to meet each other. When this happened three months in a row, she came to see me.
As we talked, I found out that her father used to say (according to her) that, “If people aren’t millionaires, they aren’t shit.”
I said to her, “It sounds to me as though you’re really angry at your father.”
“You hit the nail on the head with that one,” she told me. “To tell you the truth, I hate him.”
I went over the whole “memories become what we perceive. What we perceive is what we observe. What we observe becomes our reality,” with her. I told her that it seemed to me that she resented him saying that unless you’re rich, you aren’t worth anything. Since she “hated” him she wanted to prove him wrong; you don’t have to be a millionaire in order to be a good person.
“What better way to prove that than to be poor?” seemed to be her unconscious, habitual belief. When I mentioned this to her she asked me what I suggested she do about it.
“Well,” I said, “I can help you change that belief, but before we do, I really feel that you need to let go of your anger. What’s going on is that rather than being successful, you’d rather be angry. I think that you’re potential backer senses that anger, but because he is, in a sense, an authority figure to you, he may be thinking that you’re angry at him. The bottom line is that you’d rather be angry than successful.”
“What do you think I should do?” she asked me.
“I think your first step is that you need to forgive your father,” I told her. “By doing so you’ll be able to release the anger, and the need to prove him wrong.”
The difference between therapy and coaching is that I get to get in your face and argue with you about your bullshit. Some people take it better than others.
She sat there for a few minutes starting at me. I looked back at her, knowing what was coming.
“You hit a huge nail on the head, Anthony,” she finally said. “I am angry at my father. But what you’re asking me to do is to give up one of my favorite things in life; hating him.” (emphasis mine) She got up and starting walking away. “You really hit a huge nail on the head, Anthony. I do hate my father. I hate you too. I HATE YOU!”
With that she walked out of my office. I’m sure she’ll come back. When she’s ready to have what she wants in her life.
I once read, that according to psychologists, as human beings we are 100% emotional. We use our logic to justify our emotions. It turns out our emotions play a huge part in what we manifest in our lives even if we say we don’t want to; and what we don’t, that we say we really do.
Guess what I’ll be talking about this week.
Wow! With talent like that, you ought to be a high roller in Las Vegas! LOL