I have a new website – www.anthonyquinata.com

I want to thank all of you who have supported me on this blog. In late December of 2010, I decided to change my career path to spiritual coaching, and the focus of this blog to reflect the transition.

In February, I was blogging about my 90 Day Experiment, in which I set a goal, and used it to learn more about myself. The result was that I knew I had to create a new website to reach more people.

My new website is an extension of this blog, and will allow me to help more people. I hope you’ll come by and check it out! I like to think of it as this blog on steroids.

Thank you!

The 90 Day Experiment we started on February 1st is now over. If you’ve been with me the whole time, I want to congratulate you!

My intention at the beginning of the experiment was to write an eBook. I’ve written three. I’m starting a new project which I’ll be sharing with you in the very near future.

In the meantime, I want to thank you for your support, comments, and feedback!

Wishing you the very best life has to offer to you,

Anthony

Forgiving Yourself – Here’s Your Homework For This Week

Forgiveness happens when you quit wishing that the past were different. This week, write out a list of all of the behaviors, and incidents you’ve done, disliked, resisted, or are judging yourself for.

As you read over your list, pause before each item and say to yourself, “Even though I _____________, I still deeply, and completely, love, accept and forgive myself.” For example: “Even though I don’t have a job, I still deeply, and completely, love, accept and forgive myself.” “Even though I’ve abused myself with alcohol, I still deeply, and completely, love, accept and forgive myself.” “Even though I’m 25 pounds overweight, I still deeply, and completely, love, accept and forgive myself.” “Even though I’m living with (cancer, arthritis, heart disease, etc.), I still deeply, and completely, love, accept and forgive myself.”

As you love, accept and forgive yourself through your list, breathe in deeply, feel your feelings, and let go of your guilt and shame. You’ve held onto them long enough.

Forgive Yourself

I’ve been talking about healthy self love, and I want to talk today about self-forgiveness. People typically tend to forget all of the good things they’ve done and dwell on their mistakes and shortcomings.

You have no control over the past. Keeping yourself bound to what you’ve done in the past keeps you feeling powerless. Forgiving yourself empowers you. It increases your love of who you are, and frees you from the “chains” of the past, opening the door to a new future, and an extraordinary life.

Healthy Self Love, cont.

I believe that there’s an unspoken epidemic that’s sapping people of the time and energy they need to nurture their dreams and realize their goals. It’s called, “people pleasing.”

I can’t begin to tell you how many of the people I work with who seem to have learned from an early age that pleasing others is a good way to receive validation or affection. By the time they come to see me it’s such a habit that when we talk about what they need to do, my suggestions have to go through a filter of thinking, “How can I do this for myself without letting others down?”

I know that I was guilty of this, especially in my twenties. I simply couldn’t imagine people I loved being able to take care of themselves and their own needs without me. What can I say? I was pretty arrogant.

I do my fair share of flying, enough to know that should the air bag come down for some reason, I’m supposed to put it on myself first, before worrying about the person next to me. My life changed for the better when I started taking care of myself first, and allowed people to take care of themselves.  I can tell you, their lives changed for the better as well.

This week, instead of thinking of how you can “earn” the love of others by pleasing them, practice healthy self love and look for ways to please yourself.

Healthy Self Love

I just read a great post in Melanie Blystra’s blog in which she talks about buying beautiful roses for herself. She said she doesn’t know what came over her.

I know what’s going on. It’s called, “healthy self love.” That’s what the point of this blog has really been about.

What I love about Melanie’s story is that she’s extremely shy, and at the start of her 90 Day Experiment, she made the intention of making her beautiful handmade cards into a business, which she did. Recently, she had an opportunity to become a professional party planner, which she took advantage of. Now, she’s buying herself flowers.

I also want to acknowledge Marian Kramer, who made a comment on one of my posts that she’s hearing herself laugh again.

Laughter is the outward sign of inward hope. Healthy laughter is another sign of self love.

What sign(s) are you showing yourself? Let me know. I’d really love to hear your story.

You can read Melanie’s blog post by going here, http://pupkinstuff1027.wordpress.com/2011/04/16/something-for-me/.

Speaking of Being Out on a Limb!

A very funny thought (to me at least) struck me yesterday. In my last post I talked about about Steve Massing (http://themassings.net/sitesbysteve/) is helping me create a website that he’s had no experience creating before, so for him, this is going out on a limb.

Well, what occurred to me was that once the framework is up, I have no idea what the hell I’ll be doing after that! I can’t tell you how exciting that is for me!

As I said before, a lot of clients I work with will tell me, “I don’t know how …,” or, “I don’t know what to do ….” As a coach my job is, in part, to move them past that point. Another part of my job, in my never to be humble opinion, is to also be a role model. In other words, how can I help people, with any integrity, if I’m not doing what I’m teaching?

So this morning I started thinking of what I wanted to do, and how I would feel once I was doing it. Just thinking about what I wanted to do I knew would lead me to “paralysis analysis.” I then envisioned what I wanted, and started asking myself why what I wanted is already a reality. I then started feeling the excitement of my project already being a reality. That feeling gave me the motivation to get off of my duff and do something.

What I wanted to do was homework Steve asked me to do, and I started to do, but found myself stuck dong yesterday afternoon. I got out of bed still feeling stuck, but knowing I had to do something.

How did I know what to do next? I didn’t. I just did something, which in this case, was turn on my computer. I did a Google search about what I’m going to do, which led me to You Tube (and a few other sites from which I got a couple of free eBooks on the subject I was researching) and from there I found a woman name Lisa Irby. One thing led to another and now I know how to do what Steve asked of me, but in a way that expresses who I am.

As I write this, adrenaline is literally coursing through my body, I’m so excited! Again, I want to stress to you that this morning, hell, yesterday afternoon, I was at a standstill, not knowing how I was going to do my homework.

My point is, when you don’t know what to do to make your dream a reality, to have the very best life has to offer to you, don’t just sit (or lay in bed) thinking about all the reasons something won’t work … do something.

Go Out On a Limb – Here’s Your Homework for this Week!

I’ve mentioned before that I always ask my coaching clients, “If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be?” Well, hopefully you’ve been doing the 90 Day Experiment with me (which is rapidly coming to a close) and you have one area in your life that you’ve been working on changing. Maybe it’s in your career, in your health, or your intimate relationships.

Now, write down three things you could do differently; what actions could you take that would not be in your comfort zone that would produce incredible results? For example, you may need to ask for help. Do you need to hire a coach or start having a framework of accountability in place?

Finally, ask three people this week whose opinion you respect, and ask them how they’d go about achieving your goal. Since it’s not their goal, they might have detached  insight that’s valuable for you.

Give up your old attitudes, excuses, reasons, and embrace new ways of doing things. That’s how breakthrough results will start happening for you.

Success Story – “I know I can do this.”

This was in the  “Comments” section of my last post. It’s from Melanie Blystra.

I am doing something I normally wouldn’t do. I am a party planner. I learned from my grandma Harris, who was the best. I love [emphasis mine, Anthony] to plan parties and the people I work for, Stephanie and her husband, know it because I put their wedding reception together and several birthday parties. So Friday night Stephanie’s husband called me and asked me to do him a favor…he asked me how much it would be to make invitations for a friend at work. I gave him a quote for the invitations and the next thing I knew I am planning a birthday party for his friend that I never met…it just kind of fell into my lap and I was like “AHHHHHH!”, but with all the practice I’ve had with doing it for my friends and family, I know I can do it for this person. I am creeping just a little bit farther out of that shell I’ve been hiding in. It is kind of weird planning a party for a person I don’t know and have only spoken to once on the phone, but I’m ready for the challenge [emphasis mine, Anthony]! Why just stop at making the cards for the party right?
Love you Anthony!

Melanie, I couldn’t be happier for you! Keep shining your light!

I love you more,

Anthony

Going Out On a Limb

Last week I asked you to take a look at the reasons (excuses) that you’re using to keep yourself safe, and small. In order to move up to the next level in your life, you’re going to have to face your fears, and risk looking foolish, making a mistake, or asking for help. You have to go out on a limb, that’s where the fruit is.

Do you tend to talk yourself out of doing what you know deep down inside you need to do to have the success, fulfillment, intimacy or passion you want? Not taking risks virtually guarantees that you’ll probably continue to create the same, predictable, results you’ve had up until now.