I have a new website – www.anthonyquinata.com

I want to thank all of you who have supported me on this blog. In late December of 2010, I decided to change my career path to spiritual coaching, and the focus of this blog to reflect the transition.

In February, I was blogging about my 90 Day Experiment, in which I set a goal, and used it to learn more about myself. The result was that I knew I had to create a new website to reach more people.

My new website is an extension of this blog, and will allow me to help more people. I hope you’ll come by and check it out! I like to think of it as this blog on steroids.

Thank you!

The 90 Day Experiment we started on February 1st is now over. If you’ve been with me the whole time, I want to congratulate you!

My intention at the beginning of the experiment was to write an eBook. I’ve written three. I’m starting a new project which I’ll be sharing with you in the very near future.

In the meantime, I want to thank you for your support, comments, and feedback!

Wishing you the very best life has to offer to you,

Anthony

Forgiving Yourself – Here’s Your Homework For This Week

Forgiveness happens when you quit wishing that the past were different. This week, write out a list of all of the behaviors, and incidents you’ve done, disliked, resisted, or are judging yourself for.

As you read over your list, pause before each item and say to yourself, “Even though I _____________, I still deeply, and completely, love, accept and forgive myself.” For example: “Even though I don’t have a job, I still deeply, and completely, love, accept and forgive myself.” “Even though I’ve abused myself with alcohol, I still deeply, and completely, love, accept and forgive myself.” “Even though I’m 25 pounds overweight, I still deeply, and completely, love, accept and forgive myself.” “Even though I’m living with (cancer, arthritis, heart disease, etc.), I still deeply, and completely, love, accept and forgive myself.”

As you love, accept and forgive yourself through your list, breathe in deeply, feel your feelings, and let go of your guilt and shame. You’ve held onto them long enough.

Forgive Yourself

I’ve been talking about healthy self love, and I want to talk today about self-forgiveness. People typically tend to forget all of the good things they’ve done and dwell on their mistakes and shortcomings.

You have no control over the past. Keeping yourself bound to what you’ve done in the past keeps you feeling powerless. Forgiving yourself empowers you. It increases your love of who you are, and frees you from the “chains” of the past, opening the door to a new future, and an extraordinary life.

Healthy Self Love – Here’s Your Homework This Week

It’s been my experience that “people pleasers” seem to be “nice,” but are often seething with anger inside.

What area of your life has people pleasing caused you to feel resentment, powerless, or made you feel like giving up?

Is your desire to be liked, to look nice, and put others before you really getting you what you want? Really?

Or could that energy be better used to increase your sense of deserving, joy, and self love?

I have a client named Thom. When Thom first came to see me, he had tears in his eyes from the start of our session. He was abused sexually as a child, and made to feel as though he didn’t matter. He hated life, he hated people, and most of all, he hated himself. You wouldn’t know it though. He was a “nice” guy. He was someone people easily took advantage of. He was a walking, talking victim.

Today was his fourth session with me. “I’m not a victim,” he told me. “I’m a person with past experiences. I wouldn’t wish those experiences on anyone, but what I’ve realized is that they made me who I am today.”

Now, that’s what I’m talking about!

What three actions could you take this week that would be pleasing to you? Take them.

Healthy Self Love, cont.

I believe that there’s an unspoken epidemic that’s sapping people of the time and energy they need to nurture their dreams and realize their goals. It’s called, “people pleasing.”

I can’t begin to tell you how many of the people I work with who seem to have learned from an early age that pleasing others is a good way to receive validation or affection. By the time they come to see me it’s such a habit that when we talk about what they need to do, my suggestions have to go through a filter of thinking, “How can I do this for myself without letting others down?”

I know that I was guilty of this, especially in my twenties. I simply couldn’t imagine people I loved being able to take care of themselves and their own needs without me. What can I say? I was pretty arrogant.

I do my fair share of flying, enough to know that should the air bag come down for some reason, I’m supposed to put it on myself first, before worrying about the person next to me. My life changed for the better when I started taking care of myself first, and allowed people to take care of themselves.  I can tell you, their lives changed for the better as well.

This week, instead of thinking of how you can “earn” the love of others by pleasing them, practice healthy self love and look for ways to please yourself.

Healthy Self Love

I just read a great post in Melanie Blystra’s blog in which she talks about buying beautiful roses for herself. She said she doesn’t know what came over her.

I know what’s going on. It’s called, “healthy self love.” That’s what the point of this blog has really been about.

What I love about Melanie’s story is that she’s extremely shy, and at the start of her 90 Day Experiment, she made the intention of making her beautiful handmade cards into a business, which she did. Recently, she had an opportunity to become a professional party planner, which she took advantage of. Now, she’s buying herself flowers.

I also want to acknowledge Marian Kramer, who made a comment on one of my posts that she’s hearing herself laugh again.

Laughter is the outward sign of inward hope. Healthy laughter is another sign of self love.

What sign(s) are you showing yourself? Let me know. I’d really love to hear your story.

You can read Melanie’s blog post by going here, http://pupkinstuff1027.wordpress.com/2011/04/16/something-for-me/.

Go Out On a Limb – Here’s Your Homework for this Week!

I’ve mentioned before that I always ask my coaching clients, “If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be?” Well, hopefully you’ve been doing the 90 Day Experiment with me (which is rapidly coming to a close) and you have one area in your life that you’ve been working on changing. Maybe it’s in your career, in your health, or your intimate relationships.

Now, write down three things you could do differently; what actions could you take that would not be in your comfort zone that would produce incredible results? For example, you may need to ask for help. Do you need to hire a coach or start having a framework of accountability in place?

Finally, ask three people this week whose opinion you respect, and ask them how they’d go about achieving your goal. Since it’s not their goal, they might have detached  insight that’s valuable for you.

Give up your old attitudes, excuses, reasons, and embrace new ways of doing things. That’s how breakthrough results will start happening for you.

Going Out On a Limb

Last week I asked you to take a look at the reasons (excuses) that you’re using to keep yourself safe, and small. In order to move up to the next level in your life, you’re going to have to face your fears, and risk looking foolish, making a mistake, or asking for help. You have to go out on a limb, that’s where the fruit is.

Do you tend to talk yourself out of doing what you know deep down inside you need to do to have the success, fulfillment, intimacy or passion you want? Not taking risks virtually guarantees that you’ll probably continue to create the same, predictable, results you’ve had up until now.

Reasons or Results? – Here’s Your Homework for this Week.

In my coaching practice, one of the first things I ask is, “If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be?”

Think about an area of your life that you wish were different. What could you have in your life that would make you excited to wake up in the morning?

Once you have an answer, make a list of the reasons you haven’t been able to create the results you desire.

Look at the list, and ask yourself, “Is this true? Or is this an excuse? Have I given up my power to have what I want by making someone else responsible for my happiness?”

Now, ask yourself these questions:

How long have I believed this to be true?

What will my life look like in 5, 10, or 20 years if I don’t give up this excuse, or stop blaming others for what’s happening in my life?

If my life depended on it, would I be willing to stop using this excuse, or stop the blame game? (By the way, your life does depend on it.)

Whatever it is that you want to change in your life, you have to become more committed to that vision, than your excuses. This week, understand that when you stop believing your reasons, you start seeing different results.